I’ll Show Them My Midlife Body

 The Fake Tan Führer’s deployment of National Guard troops to cities whose citizens voted for Democratic mayors—and, ahem, against him—and his threats to do the same in other cities with similar polling patterns, is one of the most nakedly political actions taken by a US President.

You, dear reader, will see that one of the adjectives in my previous sentence was a deliberate choice after you read what I’m about to say.

Portland, Oregon represents everything our dear leader detests. A liberal democratic mayor is just the icing on the cake: It is full of (or, at least, has the reputation of being full of) the very sorts of people who scare the orange makeup off his face: environmentalists, vegans, queers and (stage whisper) cyclists.

So of course he wanted to send his Praetorian Guard, I mean soldiers, to the Rosebud City. But first he had to claim it was “out of control.” Translation: People are protesting his policies.  And who, exactly, is behind all of the discord he sees in his fever-dreams? An organization he deems as “terrorist”—even though it doesn’t exist.

But the good folks of Portland plan to show their discontent with the armed occupation of their city in a way you might expect of them:  with a naked bike ride.

The emperor may have no clothes. But could a human body—clad, perhaps, only in a bike helmet and gloves—be the uniform of resistance against uniformed oppression?

If Mango Mussolini decides to sick his bodyguards on New York, my hometown—which might elect a Democratic Socialist (gasp!) mayor—I just might show my midlife body during a raw randoneé.

Who Would Win?

 Recently, I saw a bumper sticker that read, “My stick-figure family can beat your stick—figure family.”

I wondered, “At what?”

A bike race, perhaps?

Will Giant Bikes Be Banned In The US?

What does bicycle manufacturer Giant have in common with a Chinese fishing company and a South Korean salt farm?

Aside from being in Asia, this: They are have been tagged with the only Withhold Release Orders issued this year.

A WRO, per a 2011 law, allows US Customs and Border Protection to bar goods from entering the country if they were made with forced labor.

Based partly on a report in Le Monde Diplomatique, Giant allegedly employed guest workers who paid as much as $5500 to recruiters in their home countries. Those workers, who were then signed to three-year contracts, had to pay additional fees that amounted to as much as two months’ pay.

The order bans all bikes and other goods made in Giant’s Taiwan factories, whether they are sold under Giant’s own name or those of the brands they own, or made for other companies. Interestingly, products from Giant’s factories in China and Vietnam are not affected.

Giant is appealing the order, claiming that they have been paying recruiting and other fees and providing housing for workers. In the meantime, the company has made contingency plans so supply chains can continue with “minimal disruption.

Call me a conspiracy theorist, but I couldn’t help but to notice that the US President most openly hostile to bicycles and cyclists targeted a bike company for one of the first WROs of his second administration.