Perhaps Looks Don’t Matter So Much After All

 This story has nothing to do with cycling and relates only peripherally to midlife.

Recently, I chanced upon “Press Box Chronicles,” a series of YouTube videos by Jeff Pearlman, a self-described “cranky middle-aged sportswriter who’s seen it all.”

A few of his videos cover famous athletes and teams, but they are far from hagiographies. On the other hand, he also talks about sports personalities you may not have hesrd about. Like a true writer, he’s not as interested the team or athlete as the story. And he can tell a story!

Some are funny, like “The Sexiest Man Alive.” He recounts how, during his days as a Sports Illustrated writer, he and some of his colleagues inadvertently helped the folks at People magazine, which shared the same building, pick the wrong person for the “Sexiest Athlete“ for the magazine’s annual “Sexiest Man Alive” issue.

The gist of the story is that the People writers went to their SI counterparts for help in choosing the sexiest athlete. Someone told them “the Kansas City Chiefs’ starting quarterback.” They meant Rich Gannon but, when the People photographer phrased the request that way, someone in the Chiefs’ office sent Elvis Grbac, who was starting that week.

Now, Elvis is a fairly average-looking guy. Gannon, on the other hand, fits most people’s definition of “handsome” quite well.

That story is particularly funny to me because I have a very distant connection to Gannon. He attended the University of Delaware at the same time as one of my brothers. Before she met him, the young woman who would become his wife, and my sister-in-law, knew Rich.  So did some of her female friends.  As good-looking and athletic as he was, none of them (including my sister-in-law) could stand him.

My SIL told me that story one Thanksgiving when Gannon played on a televised game. She even told me some of the unflattering names they had for him.

I wonder what they would have thought of Grbac—and what he would’ve thought about that story.  Would it reassure him that looks aren’t everything and that, perhaps, he really was the Sexiest Athlete Alive in 1998.

In Living Color

 Every cyclist should have a sense of style. Right?

“Lady DUi. Suspect”;Blocks Bike Lane

 Sometimes it’s safer to cycle in a traffic lane than in a bike lane.  Sometimes motorists pass or double-park, and ride-share drivers pick up and discharge passengers in them. I’ve even seen people, including cops, eating, drinking or simply hanging out in vehicles parked in the middle of a lane.

Then there is Genevieve Winston of Deltona, Florida.

The other day, a Sumter County Sheriff’s Office deputy responded to a call about someone driving recklessly and nearly hitting other vehicles before stopping in, and blocking, a bicycle lane.

When the deputy arrived, the white Nissan Rogue’s engine was running and Ms. Winston slumped over the steering wheel. The deputy knocked  on her window. Startled, she tried to hid the Budweiser can from which she’d been drinking.

At first, she refused to exit the car and participate in standard sobriety tests, as ordered.  When she finally stepped out, she staggered and tried to evade the deputy as he handcuffed her.

At the Sumter County Detention Center, her blood alcohol level tested at more than three times the legal limit.  She refused a second test, claiming she couldn’t see the breathalyzer machine.

She was charged with driving under the influence (her third such offense in ten years), refusing to submit to a breathalyzer test and resisting an officer without violence. After being booked, she was released after posting a $7000 bond.

If I had been cycling along that lane, I probably would have been either simply annoyed with her for blocking it or angry that she’d endangered me by forcing me back into traffic. But was it ultimately better that she’d stopped in that lane than if she’d continued to drive? After all, an impaired driver is a menace and danger to everyone—other drivers, cyclists, pedestrians—on the road or crossing it.

As an aside, I have to point out the Villages-News.com headline: “Lady DUI suspect sipping Budweiser beer found parked in bicycle lane.” I recalled how my supervisor on an early job told me his wife was the “first lady professor” in her department at the U.S. Naval Academy. That was in the mid-1980s and said supervisor was, I believe, still living in the 1950s. I can’t remember the last time I heard a female professional referred to as a “lady professor,” “lady doctor” or “lady congressman.” (Yes, I actually heard the latter!) In fact, I almost never hear a woman referred to as “Lady” unless she’s a member of a noble class. Somehow I don’t think that category includes intoxicated drivers. “Lady DUI suspect,” indeed.