Not The Way To “Graduate “

Many people ride bicycles until they “graduate” to cars. 

Here in the United States, kids may pedal to school, an after-school job or to someplace “fun” until they get their driver’s licenses.  Like many of my high school classmates, they may not mount a saddle again once they get behind the wheel of a car.

In other countries—and in some communities, including ones near me, the bicycle might be a means to acquiring an automobile. You often see immigrants taking this path, if you will:  They might ride a pedaled or e-bicycle to work, or to make deliveries, so they can save enough money to buy, or make a down payment on, an automobile. 

A gentleman in Indiana decided to follow the time-honored tradition I described in the previous paragraph, except for one thing:  He didn’t want to save up. Instead, he had the brilliant idea of using his bike to make one quick payday that would allow him to parlay two wheels into four—or, to be more precise, eight, as he bought two cars.

So what did he do that will be taught to future generations of students at the Wharton Business School (a certain billionaire’s alma mater)? And what lessons might those future Masters of the Universe draw from it?

Well, Derek Dwayne Core rode his mountain bike to a bank. I’ve done that many times myself. However, I have never entered such an establishment (or any other) dressed in white—and a ski mask. And the many items I’ve carried on my bicycles have never included a handheld device designed to propel projectiles for the purpose of making holes in human bodies.

OK, I don’t think I need to tell you what he did.  And it might’ve been a brilliant business plan except for a couple of things. 

 One, the bag into which he stuffed those green pieces of paper he took from the bank ripped, spilling those likenesses of American historic icons. Naturally, he gathered up as many as he could, which probably narrowed the time and distance between him and the folks pursuing him in blue suits.

Two: A piece of his sneaker lace got caught in his chain.

Those green pieces of paper and sneaker lace became evidence that the fellows in blue suits would use at the end of their pursuit. Those things, and two others: the 2005 Cadillac Escalade he bought and the 2013 GMC Yukon his friend bought—with the green pieces of paper he managed to retrieve.  

Make Sure You Know The Way

 Nearly a century and a half ago, Baron Haussmann remade Paris. Before he began his work, the City of Light had, like many other old European cities, serpentine, circuitous streets. He replaced them with wider, arrow-straight avenues and boulevards. 

He reasoned, correctly, that those new thoroughfares would facilitate commerce. 

But city and national officials probably cared more about how they could make it easier for troops to move—and put down protests and rebellions for which Parisians were famous. City residents who incited or participated in such conflicts could evade gendarmes and soldiers, many of whom came from other parts of the country—or different quarters of the city—and were therefore not familiar with the meandering streets.

I mention this history because if you are trying to flee law enforcement or military personnel—whether because you’ve incited a protest for a noble cause or have committed a crime (which I don’t recommend)—on your bicycle, be sure you know the terrain.

It’s too late for a man in Troy, New York. Police in the city, just northeast of Albany, responded to a call about “suspicious activity.” They tried to question a man riding his bike in the area. But instead of stopping, he sped up and tried to evade the cops.

He pedaled down a couple of streets pursued by the patrolmen who flashed their lights and blared their siren. He steered into a backyard where, in the darkness, he tumbled over an embankment and into the Hudson River, where he drowned.

I don’t know whether the man actually committed a crime or simply panicked when the cops approached him. Either way, fleeing wasn’t a good idea—especially if he didn’t know the territory.

When Not To Ride With A Parent

The COVID-19 pandemic has canceled many holiday observances and celebrations.  Although it wasn't postponed, Take Your Children To Work Day wasn't marked in the usual ways, as many people couldn't (or simply didn't) go to their regular workplaces.  Then again, a lot of kids got to see their parents' work, even if those tasks were performed through a laptop on a kitchen table rather than a console on a desk.

Some parents, however, should not bring their kids with them to work because, honestly, there are some kinds of work no kid should ever witness. An example is what Jason R. Anderson did.

The "workplace"?  A Kohl's department store in Batavia, New York:  about halfway between Buffalo and Rochester.  The "job"?  No, he wasn't stocking shelves or helping customers.  Instead, he helped himself to some of the store's merchandise.

His method of transportation? A bicycle, which he parked outside, where his 6-year-old daughter waited with her own bicycle.

She followed him as a he fled.  So, in addition to larceny and possession of burglary tools, Anderson has been charged with endangering the welfare of a child.

It wasn't Anderson's first arrest.  One assumes that his daughter won't consider following his line of work--and hopes that she won't see the bicycle as a means of committing nefarious activities.