He'll Have Lots Of Time For His Imaginary Friends

In more than three decades of cycling in New York City, I have had a few encounters with police officers and have observed many more.  I have come to the conclusion that the officers can be classified as follows:

• The ones who are actually cyclists and understand how it's different from being a pedestrian or motorist.  These, I believe, are the smallest group.

• The ones who act is if they know cycling, and the law.  This is a larger group.

• The ones who charge messengers, members of minority groups and any cyclist who doesn't appear to be white and well-educated with violations of actual or imaginary laws.  In this group are the ones who stop cyclists for Riding While Black.

I thought I had the whole NYPD covered until I heard about this:  an officer who wrote a summons for a cyclist who doesn't even exist.

Yes, you read that right.  Varon Shepard, a 49-year-old 19-year veteran of the force, showed not only his disdain for cyclists, but also his bigotry, overall ignorance and sheer avariciousness in writing a ticket to one "Carlos Dejuses."

I think he meant "De Jesus."  It wouldn't have surprised me if that mis-spelling had alerted someone.  But the thing that led to Shepard being shepherded out of the Department is that the time of the ticket is 11 am on 25 February.  His supervisor, as it turns out, saw him in the 17th Precinct Station house--six blocks away from where the bogus infractions were supposed to have taken place--until 12:45 pm that day.

Oh, and for the work of his creative imagination, shall we say, Shepard billed the New York Police Department for four hours of overtime.

For his efforts, the NYPD is giving him a conditional discharge.  The condition is that he resign from the force.

I am sure "Carlos Dejuses" would be happy--and hope that Varon Shepard has no hard feelings toward him!

Finding Its Way

So you thought all of the completely pointless high-tech innovations came from Silicon Valley types with too much time on their hands?

Well, here's one from Amsterdam.



As we all know, just about everything is legal there--including some mind-altering substances.  (The beer is pretty strong, too!) So, it's not hard to imagine someone coming up with a self-driving bicycle after inhaling.

Of course, as so often happens with such inventions, its creators didn't think about its target audience.  After all, who would have any use for a bicycle that doesn't need humans?

Still, I understand that sales are brisk...

Like A Pink Flamingo Needs A Bicycle

During my most recent trip to Florida, I spotted a long-legged pink bird.  It got away before I could fish my camera/phone out of my bag.  Later, I told a park ranger, who said that it was very unlikely I'd seen a flamingo, as they almost never venture further north than the Everglades--if indeed they make it that far up from the Yucatan.  Rather, this ranger explained, I most likely saw a Roseate Spoonbill, which is native to the Sunshine State.

I can't say I was disappointed, really:  the Roseate Spoonbill is actually quite beautiful if strange.  Still, seeing plastic pink flamingos in front of houses later that day seemed like some kind of bad joke.

Of course, if you ride through almost any area of single- or two-family homes, you're likely to see some of those pink flamingos.  But I doubt that you've ever seen this: