I Couldn’t Keep That Jeanne In A Bottle

 

Back in the day, I was young.  (Weren’t we all?)  And that was me, on a bike.

A Bike Lane Like No Other

In Florida, the Palm Beach County Department of Transportation has announced plans for a new protected bike lane.

This new ribbon for riders will link the Palm Beach Barrier Island with mainland Palm Beach County.  It will include a new segregated lane along the Royal Park Bridge.

The stretch along the barrier island will include what promises to be the "most amazing" cyclists' cafe, which will offer new, exclusive versions of Garmin as well as varieties of coffee, tea and other libations that won't be available anywhere else.  

That part of the route also offers easy access to a golf course, with free bicycle parking, although a PBCDT spokesperson admitted that few cyclists will avail themselves to that amenity.

The mainland segment of the bike lane, while not quite as opulent as the island leg, will nonetheless offer many places for cyclists to "fuel up," including some "health-conscious" options. The route will continue along some scenic waterfront roads to the renowned city of Lake Worth, on the a block of South Congress Avenue between Alabama and Ohio Street that "has a lot of character," according to locals.

The PBCDT spokesperson added that the island end of the bike lane will be on South Ocean Boulevard, at the request of one of its most famous residents.  

While plans for this bike lane have been rumored for some time, the PBCDT spokesperson waited until today to announce it, believing "there is no better, more appropriate, day."

The News Isn't A Joke, But....

This season, no one has been disqualified from a bike race because of a drug violation.

All right, that's not quite an April Fool's joke.  After all, races have been cancelled or postponed because of the COVID-19 epidemic.

We all hope it ends soon. But now the CDC is worried because, as the weather warms up, deer ticks will come out.  Some people will get Corona with Lyme!

Finding Its Way

So you thought all of the completely pointless high-tech innovations came from Silicon Valley types with too much time on their hands?

Well, here's one from Amsterdam.



As we all know, just about everything is legal there--including some mind-altering substances.  (The beer is pretty strong, too!) So, it's not hard to imagine someone coming up with a self-driving bicycle after inhaling.

Of course, as so often happens with such inventions, its creators didn't think about its target audience.  After all, who would have any use for a bicycle that doesn't need humans?

Still, I understand that sales are brisk...

Choose Your Holiday And Enjoy Both!

Today is Easter

and April Fool's Day.

Choose one

or both.

Enjoy!

This is me, in another life.  April Fool!

It Does It All For You!

Nobody, it seems, does practical urban bicycles quite like the Dutch.

It's been a while since I've been to Amsterdam. I'm sure it's as lovely as ever, and that cyclists feel right at home.  I hear, however, that because it's crowded, it can be a bit difficult to navigate.

So, being ever so practical, what would the good Dutch folks come up with?




Of course it includes an app to tell you what day it is.  

So You Wanna Have The Lightest Bike On The Block...

So...You missed your opportunity to ride Gunter Mai's 2.96 kilogram Lightbike.  You hadn't heard about it. Or you did,  but couldn't find his website.  Or you did, but can't read German.  Or you couldn't afford it. (I didn't ask.  You know what they say:  If you have to ask, you can't afford it.)  Or you had some other commitment.

Well, don't feel bad.  You didn't miss your opportunity to ride the world's lightest bike after all. As we speak, a new, revolutionary velocipedic machine is being made from the lightest material known to humankind.

 

How light is it?   Try 100 times lighter than Styrofoam (you know, that stuff in your helmet).  And it's stronger than carbon-fiber, beryllium or any other metal that's every been used to make a bike or part on which you've spent your hard-earned money.

What is that wonder metal?, you ask.  It's a nickel-phosphorus alloy.  Even more important, though, it's drawn into tubes one-hundreth the breadth of a human hair and woven into a latticework that can withstand enormous stresses.

No one has said when a bike made from this material will be ready to ride, but here is a prototype.


To learn more about it, click here.

In Suspension, In The '90's

According to Justine's Law of Retrospectivity, you can't have nostalgia for a decade in the decade that immediately follows it.

So, for example, the mania for the Fifties had to wait until the early '70's--1973, to be exact--when American Graffiti showed up in theatres.

In the past year or so, I've seen '90's-themed concerts, dances and other events cropping up in local venues.  It's one thing to have a Lisa Loeb concert.  But, seriously, do you really want to see anyone do the macarena again?  For that matter, can you say the word "indie" without rolling up your eyes?

You've got to admit, though, there were some really good bikes and some really cool stuff being made for them.  I mean, a cyclist's life is not complete unless he or she has ridden something with elastomers in it.  And nothing will strengthen your legs more than detaching your foot from an Onza pedal on a sub-freezing day.

But my favorite '90's mountain bike part is one that I haven't seen in ages:  the Softride suspension stem.

Yes, believe it or not, there was a time when grown men and women actually believed that flexible stems were a better idea than telescopic forks.  They're certainly less expensive.  And, hey, if you get one today, you'll be the coolest kid on the block.

I hear that those stems are going to be made again.  In the old Murray bicycle factory.  By unionized American workers.

The New Me

Spring has (supposedly) sprung upon us.  Yesterday was Easter.  So this is supposed to be a time of renewal--or, at least, to shake off my midlife crisis.

So I decided to take on a new sport.  Actually, I made up my mind to, finally, take a go at one of the few areas of cycling I'd never before tried.

No, I'm not doing a biathlon or ice-fishing on my bike.  What I'm doing, instead, is something I always said I was "too old" to do, mainly because by the time I'd heard about it, I was already older than most of the cyclists involved in it.

I'm talking, of course, about BMX racing.  If this is how I resolve my midlife crisis, I figure it's better than being a "cougar" or buying a red sport convertible (which I couldn't afford, even if i wanted it).

So far, my decision is working out well.  I already have my first commercial endorsement:

Coming soon to a box of Kellogg's Corn Flakes near you.