The Real Uses Of Bike Tools

Do you have a Campagnolo corkscrew?

Or a Park Tool pizza cutter?

Or a Maillard Helicomatic freewheel remover with a built-in bottle opener?

Well, then, you are misguided.  A real cyclist knows you don't need food- (or drink-) specific utensils:

I mean, you can eat pizza with a bicycle fork.  Right?

Well, all right:  As a New Yorker of Italian heritage, I would never, ever use anything besides my fingers to handle  Neopolitan or Sicilian slices. (A person of my background also does not allow any sort of topping on her pizza.  Pineapples?  Barbecued beef?  They're like chocolate chips in a bagel, as far as I'm concerned.)

So what do you eat with your cone wrench?

Hydrating In Style

Do any of you own a Campagnolo corkscrew?

I first saw one around the same time I started to cycle long distances--during my teen years in the 1970's.  Having scrimped and saved to buy a Nishiki International and a Peugeot PX-10, I couldn't believe someone would pay $200--even if it was designed by Tullio himself and gold-plated.

As I understand, the gold-plated version is still being made. I can only imagine what it costs, as it was priced at $200 before the price of gold skyrocketed.  Still, if I were to buy a Campy corkscrew, I think I'd prefer the bronze model:  I think it's the most attractive and seems, well, more Campagnolo-esque (at least in the old-school way) than the others.

I also like the silver one; then again, I'm normally partial to silver.  Still, I don't know if I'll ever buy one.

I'm thinking about those corkscrews now because someone alerted me to this:

Now, admit it:  You simply can't conceive of doing your daily commute, let alone a ride across the continent, without having a bottle opener handy at all times.  And what better place for it than the saddle rails?

Best of all, it's made in gold and silver.  Now, if you have a Brooks saddle copper-plated rails, which one would you get?  Or what if you have titanium rails?

Even if you' never break a sweat, you still need to hydrate. 

Of course, you could carry one of these with you:

Maillard Helicomatic lockring remover

It may be the only bike tool ever made that includes a bottle opener.