As Smooth As The Icycycle

 If Shakespeare's Macbeth were working today as a meteorologist, his forecast might be "Snowstorm and snowstorm and snowstorm."

At least, that's how it's seemed for the past couple of weeks.  And Texas is sending some more white stuff and ice up this way, I hear.  

So, in response to commenter "Jay from Demarest," I am outfitting one of my bikes for the weather.

Hmm, it might not make the NYC Transportation, Sanitation and Police Departments happy.  But I might've liked it last week on the Coney Island boardwalk--or even on the icy patches dotting the bike lanes.

An engineer who identifies himself as The Q (an unfortunate moniker in times like these, wouldn't you say?) wanted to ride his bike across a frozen lake. Ever the tinkerer,  he replaced the wheels with circular sawmill blades.  When he tried to cross that lake, however,  the blades cut through the ice, making it impossible for him to ride on the surface. So, he took the bike back to his workshop and fitted less-sharp metal bits to the blade's teeth.  That did the trick:  His vessel--which he dubbed the "Icycycle"--took him to the distant shore. 

While we don't know his name, some of us have seen "The Q"s work:  Two years ago, he replaced a pair of conventional bicycle wheels with ones he fashioned from multiple running shoes affixed to large spokes.  What the purpose of that was, I don't know, and he admits that the ride was bumpy.  He claims, however, that his "Icycycle" rides "as smooth as ice."

In Theory, At Least...

Some things simply don't make any sense.  

On the other hand, there are many more things that make sense to somebody--but not to me.  Maybe they make sense to you, or someone you know.  Or perhaps not.

The category of things that make sense to somebody is comprised, in part, of ideas and inventions that make you scratch your head.  They make sense to whoever came up with them, and they might work "on paper" or in some alternative universe.  

One such idea/invention is a bicycle that's pedaled with both feet together.  How or why anyone came up with it is beyond me.  

For one thing, pedaling with both feet together means standing up, then sitting back down to propel one's self. Now, I realize there are people who ride that way normally, but they are almost always novices and, if they continue to ride, eventually shed the habit.

The creators of "Swingbike" refer to it as "The Athletic Perfection."  The reason, as I understand it, is that in standing up and sitting down through the pedal stroke, the rider has to pump his or her arms.  I guess that's somebody's idea of a "full body workout."

I don't know whether the "Swingbike" was ever produced.  Perhaps it was made under another name:  After all, there are many other machines with the same name; in some cases, they're called "Swing Bike" (two words).  Or, perhaps, it was aborted by copyright laws!

Out Front? Or A Fashion Accessory? Or A Human Shield?

If you live any place long enough, you notice changes.  Even if you find yourself with more choices in stores, restaurants or whatever--or if the buildings and parks get fixed up--you'll probably become one of those bitter or cantankerous people who grumbles, "I remember when..."

I'm starting to become one of those people in my current neighborhood of Astoria, Queens.   Before I moved here, I lived in Park Slope, Brooklyn for eleven years.  That was long enough for me to see it turn from "Dyke Slope" (The Lesbian Herstory Archives are still located in the neighborhood.) to a colony of affluent young couples who divided their work thusly:  one worked worked on Wall Street or was running a tech startup, the other pushed the kid in a stroller from pre-school to soccer practice or dance lessons while toting a yoga mat (and wearing $100 yoga pants).  

By that time, the joke was that the kids were the fashion accessories.  If you saw the way those parents (yes, some of them were men) pushed their carts, with the kid (or, more precisely, the kid's outfit) prominently displayed, you might think it wasn't a joke.

When some of those parents crossed the street, I really thought some of them might be using the kids as human shields!

I was thinking of them when I came across this bike:

It would be perfect for them, don't you think?

On Track, Or Off The Rails?

If someone mentions a "track bike", you're likely to think of something that's meant to be ridden on the velodrome.

 

Such a bike will, more than likely, have a frame with a very short wheelbase and steep angles, a single fixed gear and no brakes.  If you actually race with such a bike, you're likely to equip it with very light tubular (sew-up) tires and rims, a very sharply angled handlebar stem and handlebars with a large drop and a very small flat area.

Also, if you're racing, you are likely to, at some point, ride on the top part of the embankment.  On some tracks, you will be riding almost horizontal position, as if you were riding along a wall.  I found that the best way to do this was simply to look ahead, not down, and keep on pedaling at a steady pace.

Now, if you're not confident of your ability to ride on a track, you can always try this:

That bike reminds me of the first "mountain bikes" Gary Fisher and friends concocted from old Schwinn cruisers and parts modified to fit them.  One difference is, of course, that those early mountain bikers barreled down northern California fire trails, while the bike in the photo would be ridden on railroad tracks, which are almost always flat.

 

Apparently, that bike wasn't "Stinky Pete"'s first "track" bike.  A vintage Panasonic touring bike met an untimely demise when it derailed (and you thought only derailleurs were supposed to do that!) at 16 MPH.

Talk about "going off the rails"!  Let's hope his second attempt stays on track!

 

Propelled To Insanity

If you are of a certain age (i.e., my age), you recall the early years of Saturday Night Live.  Some of the most memorable moments came during some of the shows-within-the-show. 

One such show was "What If?", which took zany, absurd takes on historical figures and events. One episode featured Superman landing in Nazi Germany instead of Kansas; another had Napoleon fighting the Battle of Waterloo with a B 52 bomber. Perhaps the most famous episode of all was the "What If Eleanor Roosevelt Could Fly?" sketch. 

That got me to thinking:  What if the Wright Brothers couldn't--or didn't--fly? 

Or what if they had stuck to their original occupations as bike mechanics and designers?

I found this propellered bike on Strangefunkidz.com, but couldn't find any other information about it.  I'd love to know how it was built and how much it was ridden--or whether it's still intact!
 

When There's No Place To Go, I Mean, Charge

Starbuck's or Dunkin' Donuts?

The difference in cost between the two isn't as great as one might think. At least, it isn't between the Starbuck's' and Dunkin' Donuts' places in my part of the world.    

Of course, Starbuck's has variations on coffee that DD--and possibly anyone else--never dreamed of.  I mean, in how many other coffee bars can one get a "Venti Soy Quadruple Shot Latte With No Foam"?  Or an "Extra Hot, Wet Cappucino"?  (Does one need to be accompanied by an adult to order it?)  

Nobody goes to Starbuck's and asks for "coffee, light and sweet", or even "black".  Customers who want the latter usually order espresso.

But the real differences between Starbuck's and Dunkin Donuts come down to who goes to them.  I saw my first Dunkin' Donuts when my family moved to New Jersey; back then, pretty much everybody, across class and other lines, patronized it.  But with the rise of Starbuck's--as well as any number of other "boutique" coffee shops that aren't part of a chain (e.g., the kind found on every other corner of neighborhoods like Soho and Williamsburg)--DD came to be seen as declasse. In other words, it became the sort of place where people of a certain age who never married, or who are widowed, converged late at night.  Also, it became a place for geeks and loners of other kinds.  The young and hip--or those who were trying to seem so--went to Starbuck's and their imitators.

What that means is that you'll usually see a younger crowd at Starbuck's than at Dunkin' Donuts.  The young--whether or not they're hipsters, or wannabes--tend to use electronic devices more than people who are around my age.  (In a conversation with my brother, I remarked that most of what I know about computers, I learned from my students.)  The folks who run Starbuck's are no doubt aware of this.  Thus, you are more likely to find a portal where you can plug in your I-phone or laptop in the home of extra scalding frozen white chocolate mocha chai than in self-proclaimed home of "the best coffee in America". 


But what do you do if you're out on a ride and you absolutely must plug in your device--and there's no Starbuck's anywhere in sight?

(Disclaimer:  I have never felt any such need while on a ride.  But I have felt another kind of need, and I have stopped in Starbuck's for that!)

Well, if you really, really must recharge that Android when you're on the road or trail, you might think about investing in this:

Hey, don't laugh:  It's green.  Yes, this bicycle--it has two wheels and pedals!--contains a docking station powered by the rotation of the rider's two feet.  And a screen built into the handlebars gives the rider access to the internet via his or her laptop.  I mean, you can't miss those special deals on e-Bay and Amazon while you're riding, can you?

Yuji Fujimura designed this  machine--presumably, with a unique concept of aerodynamics.  After all, its shape will slice through a headwind or slip into the stream of a tail wind.  But the slightest breeze to the side could send the rider tumbling into a field of fair-trade organic soy frappucinos!

And This Man's Fancy Turned To (A) Spring

Some cyclists always seem to ride as if the wind is at their backs. 

It wouldn't surprise me if somebody tried to create a perpetual wind-at-your-back machine.  (Now, honestly, isn't that the only kind of perpetual motion you would actually want?)  If it could be done for a subway train, why not a bike? 

I am not making up the part about the subway train.  There are several predecessors to the current New York City subway system, which opened in 1904.  One of them was the Broadway Underground Pneumatic Railway, which operated from 1870 until 1873. 

It was a railway in the sense that it ran on rails. However, calling it a "subway system" would be a stretch, as it was only a block, or about 100 meters (300 feet long) and included only one station at each end.   But it attracted notice, in part for its novelty, but also because of who created it and how he went about constructing it.

Alfred Ely Beach, an inventor and editor of Scientific American, demonstrated an air-driven tube system at the American Institute Fair of 1867.  He really wanted to show that it would be viable as an underground transportation system and applied to the New York City government, under the rule of Tammany Hall for a permit to build a tunnel.  He was denied--at least for a train tunnel.  He did, however, receive a permit to build a pneumatic package delivery system--one of the first of its kind--consisting of two tunnels.  Then he had his permit changed so he could build one large tunnel in order to "simplify" the system.  Of course, you know the real purpose of that "simplification"!

While cited as an important early development in New York City's transit history, it's not clear that pneumatic tubes could have been practical for a full-scale underground rail system.  Beach's line never expanded beyond the block--from City Hall to the intersection of Broadway and Murray Streets--under which it ran.  Multiple-unit traction trains and electric locomotives were developed not long after Beach's experiment ended, so investors were no longer interested in pneumatic subterranean rail lines.

Reading about Beach's experiment got me to wondering about other ways of propelling trains--and bikes.  Hmm...a pneumatic pedi-train?  Or how about one with a coiled spring that's wound up?

If such a system were to be built, it might come from the garage of these folks:

 

 

N.B.: Beach Street in the Tribeca neighborhood of lower Manhattan is named for Alfred Ely Beach. Very few New Yorkers know that.

An Ovation That Hasn't Found Its Audience

We've all seen, or at least heard of, "solutions in search of problems." They seem, as often as not, to come from engineers, inventors or simply geeks who have too much time on their hands.

The bicycle world has seen its share of such "solutions".  What's sad or funny, depending on your point of view, is that even if no problem is found for the solution and said solution fades away quietly, someone might revive it.  An example is elliptical or ovoid chainrings, which I discussed in an earlier post.

I remember hearing about another innovation that left me wondering, "And the purpose of this is...?"  I hadn't thought about it in a long time until someone passed along a video of it:




I guess somebody figured that if four-wheel drive works for jeeps, two-wheel drive would work on bikes, especially mountain bikes. 

The bike in the video made its debut in a 2005 robotics show.  I have to wonder whether its inventors knew that, nearly a decade and a half earlier, someone else had the same idea. And it shared the same problem with its descendent:  It didn't work very well. 

The Legacy Ovation first saw the light of day in 1991.  I remember reading about it in one of the magazines at the time.  If it looks like a conventional mountain bike with an oversized speedometer cable running through it, well, that's pretty much what it is.  Besides the cable, the other major difference is in the front wheel, which is a rear wheel, and the fork, which has a diameter of 135 mm (most front forks are 100 mm) to accommodate the wheel. 

 

As you can probably tell, the rear wheel (the one that's actually in the rear) is powered in the same way as rear wheels on other bikes.  Each end of the cable has a rotor-cut gear mounted on the side opposite the freewheel.  So, the rotation of the rear wheel causes the front wheel to turn.

The idea actually sounds pretty good.  One of the problems, though, is that of "fighting" the gear, which has a lot of resistance.  Also, having such gears exposed leads to rapid wear and deterioration, which was the downfall of the few Ovations that were ridden.

Solutions like the Ovation don't always find a problem, thankfully.  But sometimes they find a market.  And the bicycle's developers confidently predicted that their invention would capture "20 to 40 percent of the market over the next few years".  It, of course, didn't, and neither did the bike shown at the robotics show.  From what I understand, there have been a couple of other attempts, since then, to create a two-wheel drive.  They didn't gain traction (pun intended) with the public, either. 

Still, even if the two-wheel drive bicycle doesn't find the problem it's supposed to solve, the idea probably won't die.  As long as there's the potential for finding an audience, would-be inventors and entrepreneurs will probably continue to work on this "solution", whether or not it ever finds its problem.

The Backwards Brain Bicycle

I can remember when "intuitive" was an adjective used to describe someone who seemed to understand what other people felt--or just things in general--without conscious reasoning.  Perhaps you have a mother, friend, partner, spouse or someone else in your life who "gets" you in that way.  Or, perhaps, you can sense situations before they happen, as police officers who have spent a lot of time on the streets often can.

Somewhere along the way--in the '80's or '90's, I reckon--it became a marketing buzzword for "any idiot can use it."  Like most marketing buzzwords, it is misleading if not downright deceptive.  The "intuitive" product or system might have made perfect sense to whoever designed it, but that doesn't always mean it will make sense to someone who doesn't have a PhD.  (I have an M.F.A.)

To paraphrase F. Scott Fitzgerald, let me tell you about most product designers (and software developers, and IT people):  They are different from you and me.  I have come to the conclusion that they are more interested in the complexity (or mere complicatedness) or efficiency of the machines or systems they create than in how readily people can use them.  At least, I feel that way every time I try to use a current phone to, um, make or answer a call or a camera to, how can I explain this?, take a picture.

Maybe what they're trying to do is to get rubes like me to "think out of the box".  You know, to forget everything we've ever learned, no matter how empirically-based it may be, and follow the "logic" of whatever they've designed.  Perhaps the inventor of the QWERTY keyboard had that in mind.  I guess I should be thankful to that person, and to anyone who's ever created a system in which I have to enter my students' grades under "HR/Campus Solutions" rather than under anything having to do with students, courses, grades or students' records.

At least the folks who came up with the Backwards Brain Bicycle were joking--I think:






Turn your bars right to steer left.  And vice versa.  Going left to go right, and going right to go left.  Hmm...That sounds like the "reasoning" behind those people who say they would vote for Donald Trump (or any other Republican nominee) if the Democrats don't nominate Bernie Sanders as their presidential candidate.  As for how such logic works in bicycle steering systems--well, all you have to do is look at the video!

The Boneshaker Big Wheel

Some of us try to turn our commutes into mini-workouts.  There are all sorts of ways to do that.  One is to simply ride at a vigorous pace.  Another is to ride in a higher gear than we'd normally ride on a given road or path.  (Or we might ride a fixed-gear bike.)  Still another way is to ride a heavier bike than we'd ride for fun.  Or we might find routes that are more challenging or simply longer than the ones we might've otherwise taken to work.

I have been choosing the latter option. Even though the cycle/pedestrian bridge from Randall's Island to the Bronx has opened, I've been taking the old walkway on the west side of the RFK Bridge spur because accessing it involves pedaling up a fairly steep ramp that zig-zags.  So, for a moment, I can pretend I'm pumping my way up the road on l'Alpe d'Huez as I'm on my way to work in the Bronx.

I admit, it's not a long incline.  But it at least provides a challenge, however brief, on an otherwise flat commute.  Maybe I'll find a route from the new bridge to my workplace that is a bit more challenging (or, again, simply longer) than the one I took the couple of times I've ridden over that bridge.

Now, if I really wanted a workout, I suppose I could ride this:




The Boneshaker Big Wheel, by artist Ron Schroer, is described as "the steampunk love child" of a boneshaker and a penny-farthing.  Riding it to work would certainly be interesting.  Parking, even more so, I think:  Would it attract a would-be thief?  Maybe.  Then again, someone who tried to take off with it probably wouldn't get very far--unless, of course, he had experience in riding boneshakers or penny-farthings!

The Library Bike

The cyclists I've known tended to read more than most other people.  Perhaps that's peculiar to the US, or the parts of it in which I've lived:  Here, cyclists who ride to work and for recreation are more likely to be college-educated professionals or creative people.  That is a contrast to much of the rest of the world, where blue-collar and lower-paid workers pedaled and the bicycle was abandoned as soon as a person could afford a car.

Whatever the reasons, I find myself discussing things that involve reading--whether writing, literature, history or other related subjects--with cyclists when I get to know them.  Some of us, I think, would love to combine the activities of reading and riding.  

Some of us have tried.  I used to have one of those wire stands that attached to the handlebars and held a book as you rode on your trainer or rollers.  The problem is that if we're readers, we read faster than we ride, no matter how well-conditioned we are.  So we can't pedal very many RPMs before we have to turn a page.  That's very difficult, especially if you're on rollers, even if you're very skilled at riding on them (which I was, once).  It's also not easy if you're doing a wind sprint and pedaling at, say, 200 RPMs.

The best most of us can do, I think, is to combine books and bikes rather than reading or writing.  Someone, it seems, at the Cleveland Public Library understands as much.  So he or she created a bookmobile that's pedaled into under-served neighborhoods:

 


The Book Bike contains three levels of shelving that can hold 260 pounds (!) of books. It even has bookmark, brochure and umbrella holders.  

 

The trike has a double parking brake, three speeds--and a white racing stripe on a snappy orange finish.  After all, a messenger--especially one bringing enlightenment and education--must be speedy!

(Note:  Although I have provided a link to the website on which I found these images, I have not used the name of that website, as it might offend some!)

A New Coney Island Ride?

If you've been following this blog, you know that I frequently ride to Coney Island.


The funny thing is, I can't remember the last time I went on the Cyclone or any of the classic rides. And I've never been on the Thunderbolt.  

Maybe I don't need to ride the Thunderbolt, Cyclone or any other contraption that twists and turns me upside down. Instead, I can ride this:

 

Riding A Bend

Back when I was racing, I, like many of my peers in the peloton (and other cyclists who had racing fantasies) judged bikes and components mainly on one trait: stiffness.

This was especially true of frames and, specifically, the rear triangle.  Any flexing, we thought, wasted our energies and robbed us of precious seconds.  

Of course, a bike that rides like a jackhammer can subvert one's ambitions just as much as a "wet noodle".  After all, if you're getting bounced around, all of that vibration can wear on you, no matter how tightly-put together you are.  

I was thinking about that when I came across a bike none of us would have gotten anywhere near:

A completely-bendable frame.  It makes me think of a joke I heard about an all-rubber suspension bridge.  If nothing else, the bike solves the problem of how to lock up both wheels when you're parked in a high-theft area.

The frame flops loose with the flick of a lever.  I wonder whether there's any way to accidentally jar the lever while riding.  I take that back:  If I were riding the bike, I don't think I'd want to find out!

Checkered--Or Good Vibrations?

Those of us who have been riding a long time notice, not only a cyclist's riding style and what kind of bike he or she is riding, but also his or her bicycle aesthetic.

Some prefer the clean, classic lines of, say, a silver Cinelli or a bike from one of the classic French constructeurs or British or Italian custom builders.  I'm in that camp, almost all the way.  I like to spice up the classic, classy look just a bit, with some touches of color.  You probably could tell that from looking at the photos of my bikes. 

I'm not a fan of V-shaped rims in clashing neon colors, or of bikes or parts with graphics that look like they were lifted from a Japanese anime version of Star Wars.  I liked the all-black look during my punk rock phase--now, not so much.  I also once liked the black-red-and-white combination; now that it's nearly ubiqitous, I'm sick of it.  Also, it marks a bike as one of this decade just as neon pink-and-aqua fades scream '80's and purple-and-teal don't let you forget the '90's. 

Still, every once in a while I see a bike that's so over-the-top that I admire it, even if I never would ride such a bike myself:

From Uncovet

If this bike were ridden on the Ho Chi Minh trail--or a few streets I've ridden in the Bronx and southeastern Queens--could it induce seizures?  Or would it start a revival of Op Art?

Saturday Silly: The Fliz

What, exactly, is the point of this?


I mean, it combines the disadvantages of walking with the disadvantages of cycling. 


If you're going to be bent forward, you should be riding a real bicycle with drop bars, or with flat/porteur/moustache/tourist/commuter bars set below your saddle height.  If you want to walk, why should you have a frame slung over your shoulders if its only purpose is to connect two wheels that won't to help you move.  And, finally, if you have a wheel in front of, and another behind you, you should have a pair of pedals or something to propel them.


I'm guessing the inventor of this device--called the Fliz--was playing a joke.  On whom or what, I don't know.  But it is funny to look at, so I guess his/her efforts weren't for naught.


Who says Germans don't know how to have fun?

Without A "Q"

When I started this blog, I promised myself that I wouldn't let it get hijacked by arguments that are, in the end, about personal preferences.  So, for example, while my bikes have Brooks saddles, and will I attest to their quality, beauty and comfort, I won't use this blog as a bully pulpit to convert the heathens ;-) who ride plastic saddles.  

That's one reason I've never brought up the "Q factor", a.k.a. "tread".  For whatever reasons, I have never found it to be an issue for me.  However, I can understand that some people whose anatomies and riding styles are different from mine might find the need to get the smallest "Q factor" possible on their bikes.

Is it possible to ride with no "Q factor" at all--in other words, with your feet together?  If so, what would it be like?

If any bike can answer those questions, it's this one:

From Charlie Kelly's Website

To my knowledge, the "Swingbike"  was never marketed--or, if it was, only a few were ever sold.  

How Would My Childhood Have Been Different?

When my family moved from Brooklyn to New Jersey, I found myself taking turns at a new chore:  mowing the lawn.

Frankly, I thought lawns were the stupidest things in the world:  the grass grew, and you cut it every couple of weeks.  You couldn't eat, drink, smoke or do much of anything else with it.  And, if the weather stayed dry enough for long enough to lie on the grass, it was too coarse and wiry.

But, to tell you the truth, what I hated most about lawn-mowing was that I had to do it on Saturdays, when I could have been doing all sorts of other things--like riding my bike.

Maybe I would have been a more obedient and less cranky kid had I had one of these:

From Pink Bike

 

Saturday Sillies: Twisted Toilets

OK.  After yesterday's rant, some Saturday Sillies are in order.  (Can "sillies" be in order?  Or is that an oxymoron?)

If your local bike shop also doubles as a headquarters for skateboarders--or simply has lots of adolescents hanging around in it--it probably sells low-rider bikes.

For years, low-rider enthusiasts have favored "twisted" parts. 

On this bike, the handlebars, mirror holders, fender braces and banana-seat struts all look like mono-chromed candy canes.  I have also seen pedals with twisted cages and cranks that look "twizzled."

Still, most of the frames looked like the ones found on Schwinn Sting-Rays and Raleigh Choppers that were popular in my childhood:  They were constructed from traditional round steel tubes.

Just recently, I came across a twisted frame.  However, it wasn't made for a lowrider:  It seems to have 700C wheels and conventional road/city bike components:

From Zedomax.com

 

I have no idea of how such a bike would ride or how long it would last.

On another note, I'm going to offer you an insight that very few other bloggers or cyclists--or, indeed, very of any kind of person--could give you.  But don't worry:  It still has to do with weird bikes.

One of the first things I noticed upon venturing out into the world as Justine is that--as I heard so many women complain--the lines to women's bathrooms are indeed longer than those for men.  This is especially true at the end of a showing or performance, or during intermissions.  

However, I have found one exception to this rule:  organized bike rides.  I have been on a few--including two Five Boro Bike Tours--since I began my transition.  Even events like 5BBT, which attract large numbers of families and more women than most bike rides, are ridden by far more male than female cyclists.  So, as you have guessed, the women's lines at rest stops are shorter than those for men.

Any guy (or gal, for that matter) who simply can't endure the wait might want to consider this:

From Jeremy Gadd